Pillow Between my Legs − 28 March, 2008
While I was pregnant I slept with a pillow between my legs. It seemed to ease my tension, it was easier on my back and knees. I was very slim at the time and my knees rubbing together when I was sleeping on my side hurt me a bit. Weird feeling anyway.
That pillow made me feel secure. Since many of what had happened to me happened during the night, having the pillow was sort of a shield. :)
I stopped using it a couple of months ago because I toss and turn so much that I would wake to replace the pillow. It made me feel naked not to have it. But I was lighter as well.
Last night, I felt better after confiding myself with my Self Interview 11. But around 1 o'clock, I woke and had trouble falling back to sleep. I thought about my rapes, I had images, flashbacks and would think about how it made me relate to others and how sex has been difficult. I also thought about my cat's litter box, what to eat for lunch and breakfast and chocolate... Sleep was evading me. Since I know I need at least 9 hours every night to feel good and I was exhausted from all the hours missing from my sleep routine and my muscle toning class, I took to the pillow again. I also put a few drops of peppermint oil on my pillows. I felt comfy. That oil smells good, like childhood, and it makes me breathe more profound. It is then easier to sleep.
I did sleep. I had no nightmares but I did have vivid dreams. I was never a blanky and thumb-sucking child. I guess I now need the blankies I didn't have back then.
Comments:
kga245 (March 31, 2008. 11:53pm)
I started sleeping with about a million pillows as an adult. I have no idea why. But it makes me feel better to have something to grab on to. I would grab on to Steph but she forbids me - she is hot enough without me all over her. So that leaves me with my pillows. Somehow one never seems to be enough!
peahayes (April 1, 2008. 03:10am)
Hey, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one (besides my husband). Needing a million pillows makes camping interesting. We have to live without that many when we camp. That's when having a pillow case to stuff clothes into helps.