this old house. − 1 May, 1997
My family was fortunate enough to rent a house from a caring individual. He never raised rent in the 17 years we lived there... 400 dollars for a 4 bedroom house in 1997 in Sacramento county was unheard of. He was compassionate.. and then he died. All but my earliest memories were in that house. my father had moved back in in 1990 and never moved out.
The landlord's son was bequeathed all of his father's properties, and 400 dollars a month for a 4 bedroom house in Sacramento county was not acceptable to Jr. He didn't simply raise the rent.. he gave us 2 weeks to vacate the premises. Breezed in with lawyers in suits, and breezed out after dumping a "for sale" sign on the front lawn. He was selling the house out from under us.. giving us 14 days notice to move 17 years worth of possesions. To leave behind 17 years worth of memories.
I remember so clearly, the morning it happened.. Stalking back to my room, crying. I knew this meant our family was shattered. I knew it meant my mother would take this opportunity to leave my father and make a clean break. I grabbed a baseball bat before i knew what i had done.. a steel one that i kept by my bed for the semblance of safety. I carried it through the livingroom, out the front door and into the yard. I raised the bat over my head and it came crashing down on the for sale sign. over and over, the thunk, twang of steel connecting with wood. little dents running up the post.. swing and connect.. over and over.. 17 years of frustration. 17 years of hating my parents for not just calming the fuck down and acting like normal human beings. 17 years of isolation.. of mom not talking to dad and dad not talking to mom and neither of them saying one word to their only child. 17 years of wanting nothing more than normalcy.. it all came out of me then.. everything i held back so long.. everything i'd remained silent about. thunk, twang. thunk, twang. little dents for every little heartbreak, every disappointment, every hour spent in sadness in this house.. and yet i still grieved leaving it, grieved what it meant to go. Crying and swinging a steel bat and then kicking it.. kicking the post as hard as i could between swings. I came around when i realized that i was swinging and connecting with nothing. air and that's all.. swing and a miss! I had managed to knock the goddamned sign down and instead of finding satisfaction with this, i started to swing the bat vertically, bringing it down like an axe into firewood. denting the metal sign. metal on metal twang twang twang. it went on like this until pain throbbed from my elbows up to my shoulders.. until my face was numb from crying.. and i finally sat down hard on the lawn, spent.
The landlord's son was bequeathed all of his father's properties, and 400 dollars a month for a 4 bedroom house in Sacramento county was not acceptable to Jr. He didn't simply raise the rent.. he gave us 2 weeks to vacate the premises. Breezed in with lawyers in suits, and breezed out after dumping a "for sale" sign on the front lawn. He was selling the house out from under us.. giving us 14 days notice to move 17 years worth of possesions. To leave behind 17 years worth of memories.
I remember so clearly, the morning it happened.. Stalking back to my room, crying. I knew this meant our family was shattered. I knew it meant my mother would take this opportunity to leave my father and make a clean break. I grabbed a baseball bat before i knew what i had done.. a steel one that i kept by my bed for the semblance of safety. I carried it through the livingroom, out the front door and into the yard. I raised the bat over my head and it came crashing down on the for sale sign. over and over, the thunk, twang of steel connecting with wood. little dents running up the post.. swing and connect.. over and over.. 17 years of frustration. 17 years of hating my parents for not just calming the fuck down and acting like normal human beings. 17 years of isolation.. of mom not talking to dad and dad not talking to mom and neither of them saying one word to their only child. 17 years of wanting nothing more than normalcy.. it all came out of me then.. everything i held back so long.. everything i'd remained silent about. thunk, twang. thunk, twang. little dents for every little heartbreak, every disappointment, every hour spent in sadness in this house.. and yet i still grieved leaving it, grieved what it meant to go. Crying and swinging a steel bat and then kicking it.. kicking the post as hard as i could between swings. I came around when i realized that i was swinging and connecting with nothing. air and that's all.. swing and a miss! I had managed to knock the goddamned sign down and instead of finding satisfaction with this, i started to swing the bat vertically, bringing it down like an axe into firewood. denting the metal sign. metal on metal twang twang twang. it went on like this until pain throbbed from my elbows up to my shoulders.. until my face was numb from crying.. and i finally sat down hard on the lawn, spent.
Comments:
CrystallineTulip (May 21, 2007. 10:44am)
You've really had some tough times. ~Here's a **cyberhug** for you.~ Just so you know, I've begun to read each of your entries at least twice; I really love your style. ;o)
Aphelia (May 21, 2007. 11:37am)
thank you for the hug and the understanding. and thank you for reading my words. it means a lot to me that someone does.